Peeping World

Listening to NPR the other day to Hal Niedzviecki, blogger and author to Peep Diaries, I decided I am interested in his perspective on the new “social” exposure on networks. Recently I was asked to join yet another social network so I could keep track of a former co-worker who I haven’t spoken to in two years. If I join (which I won’t), I will be a member of 5 different social networks, which apparently are helping me keep in touch with friends and colleagues while networking for future career options.

Honestly, I am overwhelmed with keeping in touch. Throughout my brief life, I found difficulties picking up the phone to just “chat” unless I had prepared something interesting to talk about. As I get older, I notice that my major events I could talk about are few and far between. When the question arises, “What have you been up to?” the response, “Same as usual.”

So I joined Facebook last summer as a way to stay “in touch” with people I was working with at Stanford. I experienced the initial rush and excitement of finding people I haven’t seen in several years or people I haven’t talked to since high school. Then comes the voyeurism—I want to befriend you just to see where you have gone in life, but do I really care about you now? But I believe you befriend me to do that same life-check. Will we chat? Most likely not. So currently I have about 100 friends, but I could shave about 20 off and we wouldn’t notice any change to our lives. I currently have a friend request that I don’t really want to accept because I haven’t talk to this person in 12 years and we were not that close 12 years ago. Interesting predicament: choosing “friends”. The blogger and author shared on the NPR piece that he decided to throw a party and invite all his 800 Facebook friends, partly to see them, partly to experiment with the friend aspect of Facebook. Only 1 showed up.

So, do we really have friends? I screen away students from Facebook for hopefully obvious reasons, and my contacts are mostly family. I check Facebook in a drug-like fashion (what is new?) along with Multiply, the various blogs I follow, LinkedIn, Ning.com, JPG Magazine, and the list goes on. Maybe I need to unplug for a while.

Time Warp

May??? Really? My mind seemed to have stopped in February, with grave news that exasperated during March and finalized in April. Now I listen to music I use for comfort, as I need strength to wrap love around my mate.

Strength to deal with the needs of my students, but push them lovingly out of the safety cocoon they made for themselves into the big bad world of deadlines, work and responsibility. To their benefit, they did deal with my lack of physical presence in the classroom and shared kind words and cards…for our loss.

Only one week has passed. Everything seems to have moved quickly but slowly at the same time. My mind has difficulties dwelling over aspects of life I have no control over…like cancer, and a resulting death. But this was a little different as I struggle with the idea of death like a child…what do you mean we cannot talk to him anymore?

Mario (Daddy) Silva, Esq. enjoyed life and people. He LOVED law and research. I admired him so much for being a scholar. He loved that I liked to find stuff out and listened patiently as I excitingly shared new information (or my mate would pass on the new information). Many times people don’t share my enthusiasm for exploring areas of information not in my particular background of science (or even within science as it is so vast). I am a geek and he liked me for it. Mario’s son, my mate and love, shares with him a passion for history and story. Daddy told great stories, with so much enthusiasm that you felt you were there as well. He lived through the invasion of Manila by Japan, then MacArthur, Marcos and so much more. My mate would listen to these stories several times and ask his dad to explain stories he already heard several times. Those are the moments I (and my mate) will miss. The images remaining in my head are Daddy Silva reading books, working on our computer with his silly (but adorable) skater beanie, and looking at my mate in a proud way. I still remember his laugh, which was quiet but full in spirit.

His spirit stays with the love of his life, Gregoria (Mommy) Silva. She is quiet like my mate, but I see why Daddy loved her so much.

Some Buddhist scholars and monks state that crying for the dead is normal, but should end after about a week, then celebrate the life that existed and live your life the way the person saw you. It’s been a week, and I will try to continue my quest to be a scholar and keep my mate’s passion for history and story alive.

We will miss Daddy Silva.

The Dreaded March

the dreaded march...
similar to the droll of november...
the grading,
the encouragement for me
to get my work done.

Students bored or apathetic
my disinterest to pull out one more unnecessary encouragement for students
to get their work done.

I have been listening to blues and jazz lately which matches my mood these raining, unmotivated days...

See side list for playlists. (Painting Artist: Theo Booth)

Local Call

Some of you may have listened to Barack Obama tonight address Congress. He spelled out some MAJOR objectives for his term. I understand his frustration, impatience and desire to push forward, but sitting listening to him (which hasn't happened in 8 years) I realize that he will not achieve what he wants.

I am not a pessimist but I know how politics work and we cannot sit like we used to. So I am calling to everyone to focus LOCALLY and figure out how you can improve your own community. If everyone focuses LOCALLY, then as a collective, we WILL achieve his objectives. The Congress and the President cannot do this...we have to take on our own destiny. If not, we will receive the consequences.

Be realistic. Can you help local businesses by buying from them? I know we are all watching our monies, but I want certain local businesses and farms around when the recession ends so why not support them? Can you be more environmental? Can you reduce your emissions (i.e. driving less) or use less plastic to reduce our landfill usage? Can you volunteer an hour or two at a locally sponsored institution...for example, your school or local park?

I understand some of the Republican rebuttal on less government intervention; however, while less government spending happened on local programs during the last candidate, it spent a s**t load of money overseas in wars and jobs. We have borrowed money from other countries. I and some of my friends have stated that if our taxes paid for something I can see, i.e. local improvement, I don't mind improving my community and environment. I get annoyed when my taxes are spent on programs that while affecting me abstractly, do not reflect my interest in focusing on my community, my family, my friends and my students.

To provide an example, my SIL with her family sponsor, embraces and promotes less use of cars by BIKING in Manila, Philippines. If you have never been there, imagine driving on a two lane highway with 3-4 lanes of cars, who may or may not want you there. They have worked hard to encourage others to pick up a bike before wasting money on gas in a car and the fever has spread. To see more: http://www.fireflybrigade.org/ What can you do?

Life Moves Forward

Life moves forward even when you want to stop to love, to mourn, to think. There are many mornings I want to stay covered by the blanket, hearing the gentle snore of my mate, but we always get up and live life.

I understand how mourning can consume one’s life, but at the same time, I hate dwelling on the negative. I have cried, dwelled, but then I can only think of how well these people spent their life, the gifts they provided to others and cherishing those gifts for the future. I think of them when I need their creative gift…what would they do?

Work consumes my week with all the nuances of lesson planning, meetings, copying, grading and giving my time to students, other teachers and parents. I am seeking to start a part-time photography business, but I cannot think of it until 11 am Saturday morning. What about after work, you say? I try...I read the books on the business, I plan what I am going to do to move forward, but weekend rolls in and I cannot concentrate on it. Friday night is awash in decompression, Saturday I can focus on myself but I tend to exercise, organize…sometimes, work on photography, then Sunday comes in with the thoughts of what I need to accomplish this week.

So can I achieve the creativity I want? My current outlets are in cooking and lesson presentation, yet I do want to make a stab at photography? Can I get the time to make it work?

I didn't forget

Well, Thursday did not bear any time to listen to music...just sore feet and big piles of grading.

Friday, upon awakening and listing the tasks ahead, my panic mood screamed for Tom Waits. So when I assumed the position at 6:30 am in front of my work computer (students arrive at 7:45 am), I put on The Heart of Saturday Night, which guided my talking-out-loud analysis of a much needed purchase order for preserved specimens, i.e. fetal pigs, sheep brains and bullfrogs.

After working with students for five and half hours, with the "to-do" list still mulling in my head, I put on Mule Variations to get through two straight hours of grading (did not move my butt from my chair). By 4 o'clock with two text messages from friends wondering what I am doing Friday night and a voicemail message from my husband wondering if we wanted to spend dinner with friends, I had to pack up my brain, papers, books and bring them home for a working weekend.

So on this Sunday (Saturday did not offer music-listening time but some much needed sister-bonding time), I have the apartment to myself to get through the rest of the dreaded "to-do" list. On the playlist for this Sunday morning:

--Buena Vista Social Club
--Tapestry by Carole King
--O by Damien Rice
--Picture Perfect Morning by Edie Brickell
--Mosaique by Gipsy Kings

Will post more if the afternoon warrants more selections....

Well, I got more time to get more done! My list may be down to two things only (if I can make my grading pile vanish). So the afternoon issued in Erykah Badu and Dido.

Albums listened to date: 13

Keeping the Female Vibe

Because I was worn out this morning, making me a little cranky to come into work, I felt Fiona Apple would be appropriate. Even as I finish spinning the tracks on Tidal, I still feel a bit bitchy but in a content way. Some people really don't like her...so curious, any disdain for Fiona Apple?

Winter is returning, so to stay on this cooler, mellow vibe, I will listen to the Once soundtrack, which I love an indie film and album. If you never heard of the film or the album click here.

Starting with Annie

So, if you don't know me that well, I love music as most people do; however, I am noticing how MUCH music I have but don't have time to listen to. So, I will attempt to listen to an album a day (i.e. 365 albums per year if I have that many...which I might), write a little blurb about it and maybe you can weigh in on your ideas. (7:00 am) Today's selection: Annie Lennox Bare. More to come on this selection...

(8:00 pm) Well, after listening to Bare while grading papers, I felt a need to listen to more Annie...so I listened to Medusa while cooking dinner and Diva while doing pilates. She has the best female vocals (no contest). On Bare I really like the song "Loneliness" and "Honesty". Medusa, while covers, reminds me of last year college because I listened to that album so much. While I love her cover of "Waiting in Vain", her cover of "Something So Right" fits my current marriage so perfectly. Diva is the perfect moving album, when you need a great rhythm and beat. "Little Bird" I could listen to several times. I still have some Eurythmics albums, but maybe that should wait for another day.

So three albums in one day. I will let you know the selection tomorrow!

Decluttering the last 8 years

So the changes start now. A new year with new hope. I am caught up with the fervor of the new president and excited to see how we slough off the last 8 years. I spent the weekend sloughing off a good chunk of 2008, shredding unneeded papers, removing unwanted “stuff” and rearranging a key area of the apartment. So what do I expect from the new year?

Really, I feel we will experience events as they come into play. My mate and I tried to plan some events, but other events come into the scene disrupting the others. Living life is what I always want to do, so I will mindfully enjoy daily activities as much as big life-changing events. A couple of years ago we resolved to remove our debt, which we did in 2008 (my 30th birthday gift) and thankfully we are able to save. We live simply to save and I am happy we can enjoy the nice things in life: family, friends, food, warmth, art and love. I hope others start making those choices to live more within their means, so as a whole, the country removes itself from the monetary constraints holding us down.

I am optimistic about the country’s vibe to help each other. We all have great ideas to move forward, but we all need help. I have a renewed passion to move forward the after- school program I am developing, and hope others focus on education when they find their new commitment to service.

This time of the year I introvert and work on aspects of myself so I can be better for others. I told a student of mine this last week that I cherish my weekends, mainly for the ability to think about my week, analyze what I want to do next, and rest for the next few days. My mate and I keep it simple, making good food all day, relaxing, walking, talking and enjoying the space we rent. Many times I wonder if I should be doing more outside activities, but many times I just want to spend time catching up on reading, photography and cooking experiments.

So here is to a new year, starting tomorrow, with the inauguration of Barack Obama. He won’t fix the issues without us, so we should work on ourselves and how we interact with our local communities. Let’s start tomorrow. Are you ready?

Post Vacation Blues

So after a week of work, our vacation seems to have vanished, so I sit here cranky and tired, ready for day off. I realize that I felt like this before, but I hate it every time. My mate and I had not had some time together in a new place for a while, so I really had a great time exploring New York City with him. We had great conversations there and afterward, which is culminating in our removal of excess in our apartment to make it more minimal and artistic. Sigh, tomorrow we start work again. At least we have a three-day weekend to look forward to. Check out our photos from our trip on our Multiply account.

Recent Thoughts

So many developments in the last few weeks, I am not sure where to start:

Politics…Well, we all know that Barack Obama is now president, which makes me very pleased. I am proud of my country to finally put aside petty stuff, and elect someone who comes into the office with intellect, leadership and a team. As with others, I hesitantly wait to see how his first term goes with all the CRAP he needs to deal with.

On a depressing note, while our country moves forward in its equality to all, we took a step back by passing Proposition 8 in California. I am really annoyed, depressed and scared by this: In one night we ELIMINATED rights to a group of people. How nonchalant everyone is over the elimination of a right to someone boggles me as I see how ignorant so many others are to the real argument. I spend so many lessons in school working on students’ ability to compare and contrast similar arguments to make an educated decision. This proposition did not have the parallelism at all. While I agree with same sex marriage, I was really concerned about the elimination of rights of others, which many who opposed the proposition also felt. Those who wanted the proposition (Yes on 8) stated that without the proposition, people would lose their religious freedom and right to speech.How can this remove their religious freedom? Can they deny gay people in their church?…yes, because by law they have religious freedom. Can they say they do not believe in same sex marriage? …yes, because they have the freedom of speech. Should churches have a say in legal policy? …no, because the founding fathers decided the church and state law should be separated.

In response I heard so many state that if same sex couples could get over the word “marriage” then everything would be okay, but how? Legally, they cannot receive a Certificate of Marriage. And why not? Will it really hurt others? One interview I saw with a gay man, married in June, stated that a serial killer has more rights to marriage than he does as long as it is to the opposite sex. I hope this overturns.

Education…With the economic crisis at hand, I have the possibility of receiving a pink slip in March, but most likely I will deal with cuts to my after school program and projects. So much for funding the minds of the future. While I hate taxes, I think America really needs to re-think its strategy toward public education, and fund the potential that exists in the public system.

I will say in the all the debates, the moment I sat up and yelled at the screen was during McCain’s proposal that troops should be allowed to become teachers without dealing with the certification process. While I hope returning troops seek the education profession, I shake my head when I continually hear politicians and others feel that teaching is easy and certification is really not needed. Granted, some teaching training programs are not very good (as some medical programs are not very good), but still it is a profession and should be respected as such. Heaven forbid we have educated people educating our youth and have the proper skills to distribute and develop knowledge, creativity, innovation and personal skills.

Life…my mate and I still move along. We are not feeling the financial crisis too heavily but we didn’t have extravagant lifestyles to give up or modify. We still are not sure what we want to do in the near future, i.e. move, house, family, or travel, so we save and wait for the epiphany. If anyone knows how to speed up the epiphany, please let me know.

I should step down off the soap box before I trip up too bad on some sharp corners.

A Moment in History

WOW...I just have to say how proud I am of my country at this moment in time. While I hoped for this, I really wondered if it could happen...a person of color as president of the United States.

Too much to think about but...WOW...

Woman of Power

Today is my mother's birthday...she reaches the milestone of 60 years young. In 60 years, she has achieved quite a bit: graduated college, lived in another country, raised(ing) 7 children (all of them having some sort of college experience or multiple degrees...and in paying jobs), 2 grandchildren, a masters degree, a career, and more...

I don't know how my mother managed all of us when we were young. I appreciate her so much more now that I have to deal with so many individual needs in one day and try to stay sane. She always has time for some advice and a cup of tea, which you always need when you are someone's child.

In the past couple of years since Dan has flown the coup (or at least is a few miles away), I have noticed how much she has come into her own person again, free from the responsibilities of others. She and my dad can now travel, spend time together and enjoy life.

A couple of weeks ago, Mom decided to jet-set to the West coast without Dad to spend time with the girls. Although her time was short, I enjoyed seeing her having fun with us. I even squeezed a Scrabble game out of her (I lost, of course).

I really enjoy every day knowing I have a rock like her to support me. Happy Birthday Mom, you deserve every bit of joy today.

WOMEN Unite!

PLEASE, PLEASE PLEASE...vote in this election for the most qualified candidate...not because there is a woman on the ticket. I am very nervous hearing this statement made of women voting for McCain/Palin, just because Palin is a woman. I think Hillary worked too hard in her life to make herself a qualified candidate to see her "cracked ceiling" go to a woman just because she was selected as a VP (and I think we know why she was selected).

I have a feeling too that Obama asked Hillary to be a running candidate, but Hillary may see herself a presidential candidate in the future. Give it peace please. PLEASE look at the issues, and how well a candidate can adapt, learn, and move this nation forward.

I get annoyed with playground selection of candidates.

Late Owl

I keep staying up late either reading or watching something on television. Too much stuff to learn and I am addicted to learning. I watched a documentary tonight I want to use in my class when I talk about brain disorders. I am reading a book on our human culture and its relationship to a certain male "member". I find too little time in the day to catch up on everything, but so fascinated I cannot stop trying. Alas, I have to sleep to have enough energy to try again tomorrow.

Olympic Gold

Yes, Michael Phelps has demonstrated his swimming prowess, but I am annoyed the front cover of the newspapers here in the Bay Area chose to front him, and NOT the fact that TWO American gymnasts won gold and silver in the all-around. Have people forgotten that we don't seem to win those golds very often?

Nastia Liukin did a beautiful job and while Shawn Johnson was the favorite, she still is young enough to come again in 2012. Oh, tonight a 33-year-old is competing in the vault, a 41-year-old is swimming the sprints, and the American Field Hockey team (women's) plays on.

I love the Olympics!

Stanford Summer 2008

So, I was asked to give an overview of the teacher experience here at Stanford and how we plan to take the information we learn here and expose our students to advances in science. I asked and overheard my colleagues’ comments on this summer. “Invigorating” “Blood Transfusion” “Different” “Busy” “Overwhelmed” Oh, the last one was mine, but with a twist.

I have biologist training with varied interests in ecology, evolution and the human body. So, what did I apply for? A position in chemical engineering. But I have three logical reasons: (1) I wanted lab experience and I figure chemists do lots of that; (2) the project related to developing an artificial cornea and I teach dissection and the human body, so I knew what the cornea is and how to remove it; and (3) I heard I could put “Visiting Scholar at Stanford University” on my resume.

In truth, after the first week I didn’t think I would like this experience.

My mentor, Dr. Laura Hartmann, asked me to perform tasks I either had never done (writing detailed lab protocol for a rather significant study) or haven’t done in 10 years (dissecting information from scientific journal articles), but luckily, she is a fantastic instructor, giving me just enough information so I would not drown, but still making me work hard to figure out what was happening.

Oh, and I had to design a lesson or lab to transfer this information to my students. Busy was an understatement…I was swamped.

Why was I overwhelmed? Well, I was learning so much from my lab but also from my teacher colleagues and the professors we met every Monday. I realize how much fascination I have in science and how exciting it is to meet so many people with such enthusiasm! My mate has difficulties understanding my excitement, but how cool is it that I can now build my own lethal ping pong gun, know where CGI is going and with swag say I met an Oscar winner, and understand why we need crazy people and lots of money to make seemingly impossible leaps in technology?

So, did I learn anything to take back with me? So much so I couldn’t explain it in the time I have here to speak, but I did achieve my original goal of gaining valuable lab experience and a new even deeper love for science by observing so many people giddy over exploring. I will pass that giddiness onto my students. Thank you to Curt Frank for hiring me, Laura for mentoring me, Kaye and Paul for Mondays planned, and for the cornea group of undergraduates I was so humbled by with their interest in exploring. Thank you for the experience.

This is the speech I gave on the last day in front of teachers, professors, researchers, and students. Click the following link to see the pictures & videos from my experience.

Argh, Blah...snhgist...

Thoughts in my brain...or maybe thought farts...

Visions of Myself

So I am in a world of what could-have-been if I had pursued some science graduate career. I am learning so much but not sure how I fit in this world…if I do at all. I opted out of it in 2000 to see the world (didn’t get very far), but have explored vastly in my small nook here in San Mateo.

I am thrown in various worlds. I walk with academia, struggle through the papers, discuss ideas, but always feel the competition to find the next idea or the “I should of thought of that” epiphany. I walk as an educator, seeing the world as teaching opportunities, but constantly I feel I could teach better. I try to walk as an artist seeking out creative avenues in photography and cooking, but never seem to feel completely content there either. I walk as a wife, sister and a friend, but don’t seem to know how to play those parts too well because at some point I seem to be distant from people (by their choice for some reason and at times my choice).

My brain seems swimming with information but I don’t know how to share that with others or they don’t seem as excited as I am in the newly found knowledge. Maybe they know I am crazy. Anyways, I feel crazy, chaotic but strangely happy in my vision of myself in different worlds.

Dead Guys

So many days pass between thoughts, but so many thoughts drown my sanity.

One such thought that itches, annoys and keeps arising is the disappointment I have for Heath Ledger’s death. I felt the same way when River Phoenix died, such a loss of beautiful artists. Really I don’t feel like asking the questions “How?” and “Why?” because I understand how and why, but still it is sad. Selfishly, I wanted to see more. Maybe that is what killed them…the desire for more. A friend of mine from high school died a few years back from heroin. He also was a beautiful beatnik soul, who washed all of us with his words, his poetry. A newspaper article is all I have of him, with some negatives I took when all of us thought we could recreate the village scene in Richmond. I haven’t talked to him in 12 years, and now I am stuck wanting more, but seeking it from a dead guy. The others sold out or got lost in the system, and I wonder where I am. Did I get lost or am I where I am supposed to be? Will more negatives of creative passion come out of my digital camera?

The torment to create but finding joy in such creation becomes more difficult as time passes. I love getting lost in the passion of creation, but too many thoughts from other responsibilities do not allow me to enjoy the creation. Usually I cannot create something I feel is new and fresh. I resort to comfort creativity.

I really wanted to see more films from Heath and River. I wanted to listen to more poetry from Mark. I wanted to find my niche with photography. We all worked hard, but the craft and passion died?