Argh, Blah...snhgist...

Thoughts in my brain...or maybe thought farts...

Visions of Myself

So I am in a world of what could-have-been if I had pursued some science graduate career. I am learning so much but not sure how I fit in this world…if I do at all. I opted out of it in 2000 to see the world (didn’t get very far), but have explored vastly in my small nook here in San Mateo.

I am thrown in various worlds. I walk with academia, struggle through the papers, discuss ideas, but always feel the competition to find the next idea or the “I should of thought of that” epiphany. I walk as an educator, seeing the world as teaching opportunities, but constantly I feel I could teach better. I try to walk as an artist seeking out creative avenues in photography and cooking, but never seem to feel completely content there either. I walk as a wife, sister and a friend, but don’t seem to know how to play those parts too well because at some point I seem to be distant from people (by their choice for some reason and at times my choice).

My brain seems swimming with information but I don’t know how to share that with others or they don’t seem as excited as I am in the newly found knowledge. Maybe they know I am crazy. Anyways, I feel crazy, chaotic but strangely happy in my vision of myself in different worlds.