So I am in a world of what could-have-been if I had pursued some science graduate career. I am learning so much but not sure how I fit in this world…if I do at all. I opted out of it in 2000 to see the world (didn’t get very far), but have explored vastly in my small nook here in San Mateo.
I am thrown in various worlds. I walk with academia, struggle through the papers, discuss ideas, but always feel the competition to find the next idea or the “I should of thought of that” epiphany. I walk as an educator, seeing the world as teaching opportunities, but constantly I feel I could teach better. I try to walk as an artist seeking out creative avenues in photography and cooking, but never seem to feel completely content there either. I walk as a wife, sister and a friend, but don’t seem to know how to play those parts too well because at some point I seem to be distant from people (by their choice for some reason and at times my choice).
My brain seems swimming with information but I don’t know how to share that with others or they don’t seem as excited as I am in the newly found knowledge. Maybe they know I am crazy. Anyways, I feel crazy, chaotic but strangely happy in my vision of myself in different worlds.
2 comments:
Ah my dear,
I know exactly how you feel...
It seems you are expressing sentiments I myself go through many times...
gigi, you of all people will either mesh the many visions of you all together when the time is right OR will realize that it is perfectly NORMAL (not crazy) to have many yous.
as long as the visions of yourself is not 'double vision' you are in good shape.
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