Birthday Joys

Helping my mate with his film project, I came across this photo of him and his brother (who is exactly 367 days younger than him) which is perfect.

Happy Birthday Teddy (Oct 24) and Peter (Oct 26)!

Concert Chaos?

Sitting on the grass, I am soaking up the last strands of the warmth before winter sets in; however, next to me a family discusses the ring tones of email versus a regular call, two women in front of me compare Blackberry photos and applications, and on the other side a mother and son discuss their sandwiches for an hour. By the way, I am sitting at a concert and a group is performing fantastic musical ensembles to deaf ears.

Luckily I sat near the speakers so I could tune out the surrounding distractions. The reasoning behind the distractions was the performers rarely come out on MTV, or Access Hollywood. I don’t know which stores they like to shop at or what ice cream they would eat if they wanted some. But I did know they could play.

I love watching performers play instruments and have fun creating an artistic piece for all of us to enjoy. Dancing is cool and I don’t feel people have to sit down to enjoy a concert, but I do expect some level of listening and appreciation. Is concert going changing that much?

Mind Fog

Sitting at a desk, staring at a computer that cannot do the work by itself, the papers sit next to me that need to be graded, but I cannot seem to work. Pure exhaustion is all I can ponder at the moment, the thought of my comfortable bed and warm hot chocolate.

Maybe with the onset of the fall/winter raining season, I am stuck. I need to move forward, but cannot move except for my fingers hitting these keys.

Tomorrow I have an evaluation, but I haven't submitted my end of the paperwork. How good of an evaluation can I get if I cannot even muster energy to write up the lesson for the principal? Seven years into teaching and the constant brain warp I go through each year seems more draining...you would imagine it would improve.

I wish I had the power to make time stop for 2-3 hours just so I can catch up at a slow, methodical pace.

I guess this tortoise should get back to work...

Celebrating in 2009

The year 2009 is not progressing in a joyful nature. The world still reels in financial panic, in February my mate’s father was diagnosed with cancer which claimed his precious life in April, our friend’s sister and brother are fighting severe medical issues, and many notable deaths including Ted Kennedy, Cory Aquino, Walter Cronkite, John Hughes, Michael Jackson, and Farrah Fawcett.

However, one major event this year suppresses the depression from those ills: my grandmother, Irene Schroedl, turns 90 years old on September 3rd. Contemplating all the events from 1919 to now boggles my young mind. Imagine her learning to drive on a Model-T type car, living through the Depression, World War II (which my grandfather served), the crazy 60s, 70s and 80s to see the technology boom of the 90s and living to see the century change, a second attack on US soil, and the world is still changing. She has lived in America with 16 presidents: one assassinated, one resigned and one is an African American!

Growing up, my brothers and sisters and I saw my grandmother about once a year, usually when she and Grandpa would drive from Nebraska in their Holiday Rambler trailer and Suburban to Virginia. We loved that trailer with all the cool secret compartments, peanut dispensers, and living spaces. They had a map with all the states and provinces they had visited in North America. Between my parents and them, my love for travel sprang forth.

Grandma and I played cards every time we would visit each other. Our games included gin, nertz (like a competitive solitaire game), Uno, Skippo and Go Fish. After writing that statement, I realize how little I play cards now since I don’t have anyone to play with. I hope when I become a momma, my kids like playing cards too.

Grandma remembers everything. She remembers every birthday, anniversary, historical event and person in Falls City and so much more. Even now, people go to her to find out some event or person who used to live in Falls City.

I love my grandmother very much and wish I could be in Nebraska during her celebration. She deserves every special wish during the 2009 year.


Grandma and I in 1998


Grandma and Barbara tend to the Ketter site in Falls City, NE (1998)


Grandma gives Barbara a big squeeze (Road trip 1998)

Cooking for All

So, my ears perk up whenever I hear Michael Pollan’s name on the news or radio. After reading two of his books, Omnivore’s Dilemma and In Defense of Food: An Eater’s Manifesto, I pulled into this world of eating, cooking and buying local. In defense of myself, I already believed cooking for oneself is the healthiest (and cheapest) way to enjoy food, but his books, articles, and talks made me feel less isolated. Tonight he spoke on NPR about his recent article in the New York Times Magazine , where he states people watch people cook longer than they do actually cooking:

“Today the average American spends a mere 27 minutes a day on food preparation (another four minutes cleaning up)”

Really??? Am I an anomaly? I spend about 1-2 hours cooking, then about 20 minutes cleaning. I cook almost every night, and maybe go out 1 or 2 meals a week. Most of the time our dinner turns into next day’s lunch because I cook for four (we are only two) and use the leftovers for lunch, unless we have expected or unexpected guests. I love cooking…it’s one of my only consistent creative outlets each day, which is why I relate to Pollan’s assessment of Child’s view on cooking:

“Child was less interested in making it fast or easy than making it right, because cooking for her was so much more than a means to a meal. It was a gratifying, even ennobling sort of work, engaging both the mind and the muscles. You didn’t do it to please a husband or impress guests; you did it to please yourself.”

Is America degenerating that fast that we cannot enjoy cooking anymore? Although the media shows idiotic and stupid people quoting reality TV shows, does that really express us as a whole? Pollan even states, “Erica Gruen, the cable executive often credited with putting the Food Network on the map in the late ’90s, recognized early on that, as she told a journalist, “people don’t watch television to learn things.” I use television to learn things. I am an avid Saturday PBS cooking show viewer, from the obnoxious to the usable. I finally learned how to cut an onion fast enough so I wouldn’t cry.

Most people state they don’t have time to cook, e.g. they are too tired. I am discouraged when I hear why people cannot cook, and even more discouraged when I see the OBESE (sick people walking or not walking around). Even with a biology degree, most people could see how they are chronically ill and wonder how they get the food that makes them so sick? Why do we choose to live this way? I have a difficult time believing that marketing experts deserve our scorn for this chronic disease, although they excel at their profession.

Can we endure with less money to have more time to look for ingredients, cook and live life? I don’t think we need to go completely back to chopping off our own chicken heads (and plucking feathers, etc.) but I do think we need to get back into the kitchen and off the couch.

Peeping World

Listening to NPR the other day to Hal Niedzviecki, blogger and author to Peep Diaries, I decided I am interested in his perspective on the new “social” exposure on networks. Recently I was asked to join yet another social network so I could keep track of a former co-worker who I haven’t spoken to in two years. If I join (which I won’t), I will be a member of 5 different social networks, which apparently are helping me keep in touch with friends and colleagues while networking for future career options.

Honestly, I am overwhelmed with keeping in touch. Throughout my brief life, I found difficulties picking up the phone to just “chat” unless I had prepared something interesting to talk about. As I get older, I notice that my major events I could talk about are few and far between. When the question arises, “What have you been up to?” the response, “Same as usual.”

So I joined Facebook last summer as a way to stay “in touch” with people I was working with at Stanford. I experienced the initial rush and excitement of finding people I haven’t seen in several years or people I haven’t talked to since high school. Then comes the voyeurism—I want to befriend you just to see where you have gone in life, but do I really care about you now? But I believe you befriend me to do that same life-check. Will we chat? Most likely not. So currently I have about 100 friends, but I could shave about 20 off and we wouldn’t notice any change to our lives. I currently have a friend request that I don’t really want to accept because I haven’t talk to this person in 12 years and we were not that close 12 years ago. Interesting predicament: choosing “friends”. The blogger and author shared on the NPR piece that he decided to throw a party and invite all his 800 Facebook friends, partly to see them, partly to experiment with the friend aspect of Facebook. Only 1 showed up.

So, do we really have friends? I screen away students from Facebook for hopefully obvious reasons, and my contacts are mostly family. I check Facebook in a drug-like fashion (what is new?) along with Multiply, the various blogs I follow, LinkedIn, Ning.com, JPG Magazine, and the list goes on. Maybe I need to unplug for a while.

Time Warp

May??? Really? My mind seemed to have stopped in February, with grave news that exasperated during March and finalized in April. Now I listen to music I use for comfort, as I need strength to wrap love around my mate.

Strength to deal with the needs of my students, but push them lovingly out of the safety cocoon they made for themselves into the big bad world of deadlines, work and responsibility. To their benefit, they did deal with my lack of physical presence in the classroom and shared kind words and cards…for our loss.

Only one week has passed. Everything seems to have moved quickly but slowly at the same time. My mind has difficulties dwelling over aspects of life I have no control over…like cancer, and a resulting death. But this was a little different as I struggle with the idea of death like a child…what do you mean we cannot talk to him anymore?

Mario (Daddy) Silva, Esq. enjoyed life and people. He LOVED law and research. I admired him so much for being a scholar. He loved that I liked to find stuff out and listened patiently as I excitingly shared new information (or my mate would pass on the new information). Many times people don’t share my enthusiasm for exploring areas of information not in my particular background of science (or even within science as it is so vast). I am a geek and he liked me for it. Mario’s son, my mate and love, shares with him a passion for history and story. Daddy told great stories, with so much enthusiasm that you felt you were there as well. He lived through the invasion of Manila by Japan, then MacArthur, Marcos and so much more. My mate would listen to these stories several times and ask his dad to explain stories he already heard several times. Those are the moments I (and my mate) will miss. The images remaining in my head are Daddy Silva reading books, working on our computer with his silly (but adorable) skater beanie, and looking at my mate in a proud way. I still remember his laugh, which was quiet but full in spirit.

His spirit stays with the love of his life, Gregoria (Mommy) Silva. She is quiet like my mate, but I see why Daddy loved her so much.

Some Buddhist scholars and monks state that crying for the dead is normal, but should end after about a week, then celebrate the life that existed and live your life the way the person saw you. It’s been a week, and I will try to continue my quest to be a scholar and keep my mate’s passion for history and story alive.

We will miss Daddy Silva.

The Dreaded March

the dreaded march...
similar to the droll of november...
the grading,
the encouragement for me
to get my work done.

Students bored or apathetic
my disinterest to pull out one more unnecessary encouragement for students
to get their work done.

I have been listening to blues and jazz lately which matches my mood these raining, unmotivated days...

See side list for playlists. (Painting Artist: Theo Booth)

Local Call

Some of you may have listened to Barack Obama tonight address Congress. He spelled out some MAJOR objectives for his term. I understand his frustration, impatience and desire to push forward, but sitting listening to him (which hasn't happened in 8 years) I realize that he will not achieve what he wants.

I am not a pessimist but I know how politics work and we cannot sit like we used to. So I am calling to everyone to focus LOCALLY and figure out how you can improve your own community. If everyone focuses LOCALLY, then as a collective, we WILL achieve his objectives. The Congress and the President cannot do this...we have to take on our own destiny. If not, we will receive the consequences.

Be realistic. Can you help local businesses by buying from them? I know we are all watching our monies, but I want certain local businesses and farms around when the recession ends so why not support them? Can you be more environmental? Can you reduce your emissions (i.e. driving less) or use less plastic to reduce our landfill usage? Can you volunteer an hour or two at a locally sponsored institution...for example, your school or local park?

I understand some of the Republican rebuttal on less government intervention; however, while less government spending happened on local programs during the last candidate, it spent a s**t load of money overseas in wars and jobs. We have borrowed money from other countries. I and some of my friends have stated that if our taxes paid for something I can see, i.e. local improvement, I don't mind improving my community and environment. I get annoyed when my taxes are spent on programs that while affecting me abstractly, do not reflect my interest in focusing on my community, my family, my friends and my students.

To provide an example, my SIL with her family sponsor, embraces and promotes less use of cars by BIKING in Manila, Philippines. If you have never been there, imagine driving on a two lane highway with 3-4 lanes of cars, who may or may not want you there. They have worked hard to encourage others to pick up a bike before wasting money on gas in a car and the fever has spread. To see more: http://www.fireflybrigade.org/ What can you do?

Life Moves Forward

Life moves forward even when you want to stop to love, to mourn, to think. There are many mornings I want to stay covered by the blanket, hearing the gentle snore of my mate, but we always get up and live life.

I understand how mourning can consume one’s life, but at the same time, I hate dwelling on the negative. I have cried, dwelled, but then I can only think of how well these people spent their life, the gifts they provided to others and cherishing those gifts for the future. I think of them when I need their creative gift…what would they do?

Work consumes my week with all the nuances of lesson planning, meetings, copying, grading and giving my time to students, other teachers and parents. I am seeking to start a part-time photography business, but I cannot think of it until 11 am Saturday morning. What about after work, you say? I try...I read the books on the business, I plan what I am going to do to move forward, but weekend rolls in and I cannot concentrate on it. Friday night is awash in decompression, Saturday I can focus on myself but I tend to exercise, organize…sometimes, work on photography, then Sunday comes in with the thoughts of what I need to accomplish this week.

So can I achieve the creativity I want? My current outlets are in cooking and lesson presentation, yet I do want to make a stab at photography? Can I get the time to make it work?

I didn't forget

Well, Thursday did not bear any time to listen to music...just sore feet and big piles of grading.

Friday, upon awakening and listing the tasks ahead, my panic mood screamed for Tom Waits. So when I assumed the position at 6:30 am in front of my work computer (students arrive at 7:45 am), I put on The Heart of Saturday Night, which guided my talking-out-loud analysis of a much needed purchase order for preserved specimens, i.e. fetal pigs, sheep brains and bullfrogs.

After working with students for five and half hours, with the "to-do" list still mulling in my head, I put on Mule Variations to get through two straight hours of grading (did not move my butt from my chair). By 4 o'clock with two text messages from friends wondering what I am doing Friday night and a voicemail message from my husband wondering if we wanted to spend dinner with friends, I had to pack up my brain, papers, books and bring them home for a working weekend.

So on this Sunday (Saturday did not offer music-listening time but some much needed sister-bonding time), I have the apartment to myself to get through the rest of the dreaded "to-do" list. On the playlist for this Sunday morning:

--Buena Vista Social Club
--Tapestry by Carole King
--O by Damien Rice
--Picture Perfect Morning by Edie Brickell
--Mosaique by Gipsy Kings

Will post more if the afternoon warrants more selections....

Well, I got more time to get more done! My list may be down to two things only (if I can make my grading pile vanish). So the afternoon issued in Erykah Badu and Dido.

Albums listened to date: 13

Keeping the Female Vibe

Because I was worn out this morning, making me a little cranky to come into work, I felt Fiona Apple would be appropriate. Even as I finish spinning the tracks on Tidal, I still feel a bit bitchy but in a content way. Some people really don't like her...so curious, any disdain for Fiona Apple?

Winter is returning, so to stay on this cooler, mellow vibe, I will listen to the Once soundtrack, which I love an indie film and album. If you never heard of the film or the album click here.

Starting with Annie

So, if you don't know me that well, I love music as most people do; however, I am noticing how MUCH music I have but don't have time to listen to. So, I will attempt to listen to an album a day (i.e. 365 albums per year if I have that many...which I might), write a little blurb about it and maybe you can weigh in on your ideas. (7:00 am) Today's selection: Annie Lennox Bare. More to come on this selection...

(8:00 pm) Well, after listening to Bare while grading papers, I felt a need to listen to more Annie...so I listened to Medusa while cooking dinner and Diva while doing pilates. She has the best female vocals (no contest). On Bare I really like the song "Loneliness" and "Honesty". Medusa, while covers, reminds me of last year college because I listened to that album so much. While I love her cover of "Waiting in Vain", her cover of "Something So Right" fits my current marriage so perfectly. Diva is the perfect moving album, when you need a great rhythm and beat. "Little Bird" I could listen to several times. I still have some Eurythmics albums, but maybe that should wait for another day.

So three albums in one day. I will let you know the selection tomorrow!

Decluttering the last 8 years

So the changes start now. A new year with new hope. I am caught up with the fervor of the new president and excited to see how we slough off the last 8 years. I spent the weekend sloughing off a good chunk of 2008, shredding unneeded papers, removing unwanted “stuff” and rearranging a key area of the apartment. So what do I expect from the new year?

Really, I feel we will experience events as they come into play. My mate and I tried to plan some events, but other events come into the scene disrupting the others. Living life is what I always want to do, so I will mindfully enjoy daily activities as much as big life-changing events. A couple of years ago we resolved to remove our debt, which we did in 2008 (my 30th birthday gift) and thankfully we are able to save. We live simply to save and I am happy we can enjoy the nice things in life: family, friends, food, warmth, art and love. I hope others start making those choices to live more within their means, so as a whole, the country removes itself from the monetary constraints holding us down.

I am optimistic about the country’s vibe to help each other. We all have great ideas to move forward, but we all need help. I have a renewed passion to move forward the after- school program I am developing, and hope others focus on education when they find their new commitment to service.

This time of the year I introvert and work on aspects of myself so I can be better for others. I told a student of mine this last week that I cherish my weekends, mainly for the ability to think about my week, analyze what I want to do next, and rest for the next few days. My mate and I keep it simple, making good food all day, relaxing, walking, talking and enjoying the space we rent. Many times I wonder if I should be doing more outside activities, but many times I just want to spend time catching up on reading, photography and cooking experiments.

So here is to a new year, starting tomorrow, with the inauguration of Barack Obama. He won’t fix the issues without us, so we should work on ourselves and how we interact with our local communities. Let’s start tomorrow. Are you ready?

Post Vacation Blues

So after a week of work, our vacation seems to have vanished, so I sit here cranky and tired, ready for day off. I realize that I felt like this before, but I hate it every time. My mate and I had not had some time together in a new place for a while, so I really had a great time exploring New York City with him. We had great conversations there and afterward, which is culminating in our removal of excess in our apartment to make it more minimal and artistic. Sigh, tomorrow we start work again. At least we have a three-day weekend to look forward to. Check out our photos from our trip on our Multiply account.